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No-one



No-one making any noise. 

No-one wanting to know if they can have more cereal.

No-one asking if they can play with the neighbour boy who has ADHD and wants to marry them.

No-one exuding a cacophony of cries and spluttering after hitting their hand on a bedside table.

No-one walking beside me who can't rid themselves of the hiccups.

No-one asking "Daddeee..." (drawn out for full emphasis and to gain maximum attention), "...if the moon fell to earth, but landed on a spring factory, would it bounce away further than when it started?", a question to which "Daddeee" simply doesn't have a reply through both astonishment and stupidity.

No-one alleviating my pangs of guilt after standing on a snail by telling me "It doesn't matter. That was Larry the Snail and he didn't really do anything anyway".

No-one being grumpy because 9.00 pm is too early for bed and they aren't tired and it's still daytime in American anyway, despite being unable to keep their eyes open after reading detective stories. 

No-one needing me to blow-dry their hair after they've had a shower. 

No-one telling me that they CANNOT STAND Barry Scott (yes, Cillit Bang Barry Scott). 

No-one crashing through the bedroom door at midnight for a cuddle because they think it's already morning. 

No-one wanting to go to the Disney Store.

No-one stopping me from working until 9.30 pm because I have something better to do. 

No-one. 

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Idiots on a Plane

I've been fortunate enough to have had a column published on gizmodo.co.uk.

It can be found here:

http://m.gizmodo.co.uk/2013/04/the-idiosyncrasies-and-character-flaws-flying-brings-out-in-me/

Many thanks to Kat Hannaford for throwing it on the front page.