The Pain of Paying

Um, now, Donald...

With frustration growing at the apparent lack to progress towards the hover boards they were promised in the 1989 movie Back to the Future II, Americans took to the polls to elected Donald Trump as the 45th President of the Unit States of America, declaring “We want something from that movie to be real, and if it ain’t power laces and hoverboards, we’ll take Biff Tannen’s Hill Valley.” Voter and Chicago resident Tom Murrey said “The American people are tired of waiting! Our time is now. We ain’t got no hoverboards, my jacket won’t dry itself and I can’t hydrate a pizza in 10 seconds! We’ve had enough!” “The Cubs won the World Series and that felt great!” When confronted with the fact that everything he referred to was in the original timeline of the movie and it was, in fact, a split in the spacetime continuum due to Marty McFly’s irresponsible behaviour that led to the alternate reality of the Hill Valley hellscape, Mr Murrey responded “Don’t come at me with all your fact

Idiots on a Plane

I've been fortunate enough to have had a column published on gizmodo.co.uk. It can be found here: http://m.gizmodo.co.uk/2013/04/the-idiosyncrasies-and-character-flaws-flying-brings-out-in-me/ Many thanks to Kat Hannaford for throwing it on the front page.

I Can't Stress This Enough...

Seriously. Stop it. We've all been there. You're standing with a group of people at a party (not good friends - acquaintances at best) and you're halfway through an undoubtedly fascinating anecdote about when the girl in the office said she thought Stonehenge was a kind of way to cook a pizza when a knowing, and completely slap-able, smirk crosses the faces of a happy couple standing side-by-side in the Annoyance (which is the correct collective noun for a group of half-strangers thrown together at a party - look it up). An "Annoyance" of Acquaintances Simultaneously, they say into each other's eyes (literally, they say it into each other's eyes) "I'll bet he keeps his tent clean!" before sharing a sickening, saccharine giggle and giving each other an "I'm going to die with you and there is nothing I can do about it" eye-embrace. But it goes on. They aren't happy being enveloped in their cocoon of s

Richard Jow: Mainlining Sarcasm

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